Long term forecast

I was talking to my dad today down in Athens. He was telling me that although he was currently enjoying some pleasant autumn sunshine Greek scientists have announced some very bad news concerning the weather. It appears that their studies have shown that Greece will lose its hot climate when glaciers roll over the country. Now admittedly this is not due to happen for 170 000 years but still I think you can't be too prepared! One other point, can anyone tell me how I too can get paid by the government to undertake such pointless and futile research that can't be disproved in my lifetime! I would love to get paid for 3 years to finally announce that in the far future its going to be a bit cold!

Jane Austen play your own novels

Number 30. Spurn mister Darcy's advances, go to 7.

7. Die a sad old spinster.

DIY anyone?

It was dark and I was crouched low running. At first I didn't know why I was running but when I ran across an intersection a bullet whizzed past and slammed into the wall. Now I knew why I was running, people were trying to kill me, but why, and where was I?
As I slowed down to get my bearings I took a good look around and realised I was in a massive B&Q warehouse. I was beginning to wonder why I was there when I heard shouts from behind me and realised I had to keep moving.
I crawled past a couple of aisles until I was in the lumber section, I was just trying to figure out how I was going to get out when a hand clamped over my mouth and a quiet voice next to my ear told me not to scream.
I looked around in the darkness but could not make out my assailant, he promised that he was on my side and was just as keen to avoid being shot as me. He explained that we had ran to the wrong side of the building because the fire escape at this end led out to a sealed courtyard surrounded by razorwire. We had to make our way to the other side of the shop were we could make a break for it through the front doors.
Just as I was beginning to wonder why this man was helping me I was momentarily blinded. All of the shop lights had been turned on. Obviously these people were keen to wrap up this situation and had decided to stop wasting time in darkness.
We split up, it seemed to make sense, and I headed towards the nearest aisle. I came up with the idea that if they couldn't see me they couldn't shoot me. I climbed up the side of the massive storage racks that make up the aisles until I got to the top very near the ceiling. I carefully looked around and spotted two individuals close by on the floor, both carrying silenced pistols. I carefully made my way down the aluminium shelf trying to make as little sound as possible.
Halfway along as I was squeezing past a large cardboard container I heard a voice directly underneath me. I slowly peered over the box and saw one of the gunmen. I should have ignored him, after all he hadn't seen me and I needed to escape. I shoved as hard as I could and the box sailed off the shelf and straight down. It landed with a loud bang and the satisfactory sound of bones breaking.
I had a quick look down to see, it was a mistake because one the others saw my shadow and looked up. Swearing under my breath I got up and made a run for it.
Bullets started flying all around me as I made my way over whatever boxes were in my way until suddenly I caught my foot on something and stumbled. I tried to stop myself from falling and almost succeeded but in the end only succeeded in dragging a large box off the shelf with me.
I hit the ground hard and it took me a minute to realise which way was up. When I managed to finally get myself up with the help of the box that landed next to me I was confronted by one of the gunmen standing in front of me pointing his gun right at my head.
Using many expletives about how much of a pain in the neck I had been he pulled the trigger...........

Then I woke up suddenly and realised that once more I had escaped my dreams in the nick of time and that it was time to get up.

Eventually...

Hopefully this will prove that at some basic level enough brain cells managed to get together long enough for me to finally figure out mobile technology, fingers crossed.

Something I won't be doing on Saturday

Every so often I have the sort of evil thought I wouldn't ever act upon.

Everyone should turn off their mobile for a wedding ceremony, it's common courtesy. Just imagine the possibilities for evil. Just before going into the service create a text message to everyone you know is there saying something like "Did you turn your phone off?" then send it just as the bride walks down the aisle.

It has potential for entertainment, but I am not responsible for any lynchings that result.

If I now forget to turn off my phone on Saturday I am going to be in so much trouble.....

Paper bridges

Ickle and I are sitting in urbis, waiting for the manchester blogger awards to start and pondering the possibility of paper bridges. Blue Peter sent paper huts to Africa, so it's possible to build structures from it. Links to follow if/when I find any.

(sent to loofahs and spinneyhead simultaneously, because I can.)

Update Ickle sent me this link to Inhabitat, about a flat pack all-cardboard house.

This is a test

After alex's post about his problems with email on his phone, I thought it only right that my first post to the loofah should be from my mobile.

Evolving

After reading comments posted on Spinneyhead I realised that my blog title was a bit random so I have decided to modify it slightly.

Spam and Orange all round!

Two days ago I decided to activate the email facility on my phone. This seemed like a good idea at the time, where have I heard that before?

After spending countless hours fighting my way through Orange's website over and over again, and more than one phone call to their helpdesk, around midnight I finally managed to succesfully send an email from my phone. Feeling rather good that I finally had it working properly I went to bed.

Yesterday morning I checked my phone and was surprised to see I had twelve text alerts regarding emails that were waiting for me, and so it began!

By the time I had deleted and blocked the extremely dubious offers of lots of cash and enlarged genitalia from my inbox at Orange's website I had another five alerts on my phone! This carried on all day yesterday and well into today when i decided enough was enough and tried to stop all incoming emails to my phone. I may as well have wished for world peace and an end to global hunger!

Orange must have sensed that I was annoyed because they decided to lighten my mood by refusing to allow me into my own email account for an hour. After I was allowed in I then had to register my details, which orange already had, a further two times before they would allow me access to the email manager which turned out to be as useful as a chocolate teapot.

I then phoned the helpdesk where I was introduced to Rebecca. She was extremely polite and understanding and offered several ideas on what I could do, none of which were any good, before admitting that she really didn't know anything because email wasn't her department. Her final solution was that I should phone another helpdesk, this one so helpful that it charged 50p a minute, however, as she optimistically put it ".. don't worry, it shouldn't take that long! "

I decided not to phone them and instead I went through my phone and deleted every reference to email that it possesses. It's now 1a.m.and it has been one hour since my phone was cleansed and touch wood I have not received any more gratuitous offers!

Orange haven't exactly covered themselves in glory this week.

This has been my most recent experience of the evil that is High Volume E-mail Deployment but I'm guessing it wont be the last!

Bitter tears?

Things don't seem to have worked out to well for our glorious leader. We can't seem to wait to turf him out of the door.

Perhaps if things had turned out even slightly less screwed up we might have been sad to see him leave.

Yeh right, bollocks we would. Smug little grinning monkey!

I think that in his imagination this is how President Blair viewed the end of his reign.

Electrifying!

I know that this site is dedicated to ideas that others would consider crazy, most of which I seem to come up with, but even I have to admit that this fellow is absolutely nuts!

Mwahahahahahaha

Why becoming an evil genius is so much better than being the hero.

So if i just stand here.......

Do you think the camera man should have warned him?

In the beginning......

In the beginning there was the word, and the word was good, for it was alcohol. From that word sprang forth a multitude of concepts and ideas of which none could have been created without the word.

This website was created by the word and is dedicated to all ideas that seemed to be a good idea at the time.

Today's award for something that seemed like a good idea goes to an Aussie and he was completely sober!